Bisexual people are plain selfish.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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