nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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