if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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