i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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