I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
