If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
