Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
