That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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