I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
porn star boner night. come get it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
