how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
