she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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