but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
