i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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