Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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