The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
