He disabled his match.com account in front of me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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