either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
