"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We named our party play list daddy issues
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
