I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
