paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
