i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just invented taco cereal.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize