I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
