i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your cock deserves a montage
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
