Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
