I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
