Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
