Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
