I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
