Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
