(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
