The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
