Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
