should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
