I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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