in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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