i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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