I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
