I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
