bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
