I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dear god my vagina.
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