You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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