I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
