Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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