If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
