My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So squirting runs in the family.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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