so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
