small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
