sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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