I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A+ Viking dick
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
