I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
