I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
