I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
