Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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