Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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