Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
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