I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
