I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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