I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
