no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
