I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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