Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
