I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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