i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Holy shit dude........stairs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize