the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
