he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
