What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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