You made me cry and you don't even care
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
