i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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