why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize