Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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