Hey man sorry I got all grabby
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize