what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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