There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
